love comes from years of breathing skin to skin tangled in each other’s dreams until each night weaves another thread in the same web of blood and sleep…” Mary Mackey

sleep trainingI feel her little toes and fingers, so relaxed as she sleeps beside me.  And I think to myself, “These moments won’t last forever, they will be gone in the blink of an eye.” I am so grateful that I have this time with my child, sleeping beside me, her little feet propped up on my belly so she can feel me breathing.”  It is in the deep of night that I often look at my beautiful baby and realize what a precious miracle of creation she is.

Up until recently, the difficulty of bottle feeding at night and getting up several times to calm her was bearing down on me…until I truly made peace with this experience.  My well-intending friends told me to “sleep train” as they saw me come into the office worn out every day.  But I am so incredibly glad I have not.  The concept itself doesn’t make much sense to me–and seems in fact a denial of my most basic instincts as well as my child’s.  But more than that, there is an incredible specialness of spending these moments together at night.  Sleeping near each other, having my baby know I am there to take care of her, rocking her gently back to sleep, caressing her, kissing her head, talking to her…this has bonded us together in a unique way.  It is our time to experience stillness and dreams together.

I will get my nights back eventually, but I only have this precious gift for a limited time.  This window of time is so beautiful, so unique.  Our ordinary lives take a back seat to the wonder of  these moments if we but only recognize them.

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